


But Not To Me

by Panic_at_the_bookstore



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:40:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23354071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Panic_at_the_bookstore/pseuds/Panic_at_the_bookstore
Summary: What if Ben didn't die?
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	But Not To Me

Rey lay on the ground, every fibre of her being sapped and tired, every inch of her bruised and scraped. Leia and Luke’s lightsabers lay at her sides, both dark and off, no light from anywhere, the force a whisper in the crashing ocean waves of confusion. Her mind numbly pounded, reaching out towards where she saw Ben last, more where she felt Ben last because she couldn’t see anything at all, just pure darkness that surrounded her and forced her eyes to be too heavy to lift. Rey gasped, a sharp yet weak sound of pain as she was momentarily thrown from her body, the dyad tethered on the weak tendrils of life they both were left clinging to, the feeling, though painful, assured Rey of Ben’s miraculous survival. She felt a weak calling inside of her and she wasn’t sure if she was speaking the word or her mind was, but from wherever it had found an exit, one word escaped, “ _ Ben... _ ” It was odd, even in the near-death haze, laying on the stone, all she could think about was Ben, her mind swam with thoughts of him, but it was no easy swim. It felt like she had tried to swim the ocean moon of Kef Bir when its waves were at their worst. Distantly, so distant that she was sure it was her imagination, she felt a pull. Someone picking her up and holding her close, the feeling of an embrace being near-forgotten before this moment. Her head pounded as she breathed in through her nose weakly, catching the smell of sweat and blood but underneath of that, a clean, musky, earthy smell. One she’d only ever caught in passing on the wind when they got close enough for the heat of their lightsabers to burn their faces or when she turned and found him there, a force projection and a result of the dyad they were locked in. Ben Solo. She knew right away it was him and couldn’t be anyone else. What she didn’t know though was how he’d managed to get to her, how such a feat could’ve been performed by someone who was just as drained as she was and, from what she can see in the haze, thrown off a cliffside that offered little comfort in the fall. Rey didn’t want to give up, she didn’t want to surrender to the cool calming promise of death or to the faces of the Jedi before, she didn’t even want to give up into her parent’s arms, not when Ben had dragged himself up to her despite the blinding pain. 

“ _ Rey… Rey… Rey, please wake up. Please. You’re all I have... _ ” Ben’s voice echoed quietly in the back of her head, a voice that once made her lurch away now planted and grew a seed of hope in her core. Or maybe that was him. Ben’s healing touch as he chipped away at his own, already thin, life force to give to her, and before she was even consciously aware of moving, she put her hand on his and sat up, throwing up a wall to keep him from killing himself for her.

“Ben,” this time Rey knew she had spoken aloud. She had her suspicions when he came running into her and killed the Knights of Ren, and when she handed him, through their bond, Leia’s sabre and it worked, but seeing his eyes now confirmed what she had suspected. He was Ben Solo. His eyes no longer bore the look of a broken child, one who lived in the shadow of his parents’ legacies, one who would hide under his mask to keep the world from seeing him. The underlying look of unease was still there, that didn’t easily dissipate, but now there was a hint of hope and even a little bit of love, an emotion she was nearly positive Kylo Ren wasn’t familiar with. She stared deep into his ocean blue eyes, Rey was watching his face, how his expressions changed with this array of emotions. Ben’s one hand rested on Rey’s wait, Rey had a hand on his cheek, shaking slightly, her mind was repeating the same sentence over and over,  _ Don’t give in to this… Don’t give in to this _ . But the sound of her heart beating loudly in her ears didn’t allow her to concentrate on that little voice, allowed her to block it out. It felt like she was going to explode.

Finally, Rey’s lips touched his in a rapid motion. Sparks flew in every direction, and Rey’s world was slowly disappearing around her, along with all of her worries, her troubles and her problems. He made her feel like none of that mattered. All that was left was Ben. Ben’s lips were moving in perfect sync with her own, a byproduct of the dyad, she wondered, his hands holding her waist tightly; he pulled her closer, the kiss deeper, more passionate. Ben could feel Rey’s hands on the back of his neck playing with the ends of his hair. A smile grew on his face as it started to tickle and they began to pull apart.

At first, Rey couldn’t think at all, she couldn’t believe what had just happened, couldn’t accept she had fallen in love. But slowly, she began to realise it and acknowledge it, and a smile grew on her own face, one to mirror Ben’s smile across from her. All this time… Ben Solo never had been truly dead.

“He just needed a little push to wake him up,” Ben whispered, his voice rough as the rocks he’d fallen on. Rey looked surprised for a beat, remembering they shared the dyad and she wasn’t strong enough right now to put walls of protection around her thoughts. “ _ I’m sorry. I won’t pry. You just thought that so loudly.” _

“How…? How are you doing that?” Rey looked at him, eyes curious,  _ making sure I hear certain thoughts but not others?  _ Rey thought as loudly as possible.

“Practice,” Ben smiled gently and looked at Rey who blinked slowly. “And I wouldn’t pry if you didn’t “scream think”. You also don’t need to think that loudly for me to hear.”  _ It’s pretty echoey up there! _ Rey flinched back sharply as Ben’s voice rang loudly in her head.

“Oh. I’m sorry,” Rey blushed sheepishly and Ben smiled and kissed her head gently, pulling her close to hug her. She wrapped her arms back around him and closed her eyes in the embrace.

“No worries. No harm was done,” Ben’s voice was gentle and Rey breathed him in contently, trying not to worry about what was to come. Meeting with the Council, with the Resistance to explain that Ben wasn’t Kylo Ren. “Thinking loudly again…” Ben mumbled sadly, trying to ignore that thought too.

“How can I…”  _ stop thinking loudly? _ Rey wondered gently, looking at him in hopefulness that he’d help her.

“Just think to yourself. Not out loud. I know it sounds silly, but if you think that you’re thinking to Rey, I have to use the Force to read into your mind and because of the dyad, you’d feel me there. Like when you handed me the lightsaber.” Ben smiled gently to her, nervous about the same thing Rey was.

“Oh. Okay,” Rey thought gently and nodded. “Okay. Thank you.”

“Of course. Wouldn’t be right of me to take advantage of you like that. Kylo would, but he’s dead now,” Ben sighed and tousled his hand through his hair. “But I don’t think I can go back with you… I don’t think…” Ben’s eyes were drooping, Rey was beginning to feel it too, coming down from the adrenaline rush of the last few minutes. The blinding pain of her injuries and how tired she was beginning to feel.

“I don’t care. I’ll talk to Poe. You need medical help and attention, I’m not letting you die out here on Exogal. Not here. You don’t deserve that,” Rey’s voice was laced in pain as the pair got up, limping toward the ship.

“You think highly of me, Rey. Seldom other people will. I can’t go to Yavin without being tried and executed, granted that’s what I deserve,” Ben whispered, his voice was drowsy and Rey barely managed to get him into his Silencer before his legs gave out. 

“Ben, can I…”

“Yeah…” he breathed and his head dropped. She climbed into his lap and took hold of the controls. His ship was top of the line and she knew Poe would flip his shit to fly a Silencer like Ben’s.

“I’m taking you to Yavin. It’s the only way to help you. To give you a fighting chance,” Rey whispered fearfully and started to Silencer, praying her own injuries wouldn’t overcome her and kill both of them.

“No. You can’t. It’s too far and you’re too hurt and they’d kill me on sight. Ahch-to. Take me to Ahch-to and tell them you killed me and took my ship, left my body on Exogal, you’d be a hero and live the life you deserve.” Ben muttered, leaning over the edge of consciousness, waving in and out.

“I don’t want any life that doesn’t have you in it… I’ll live with you on Ahch-to,” Rey replied, changing course from Yavin to Ahch-to.

“No. Never seeing your beautiful face again is the price I must pay for the sins I committed. I need to atone. Please, Rey,” Ben muttered. “And you know Finn, Poe, and the others will scour the galaxy for you if you don’t go home to them on Yavin.”  _ You know I’m right. _

“But…” Rey sighed heavily.

_ I’ll be with you and you with me. At least give me 1 year of solitary before you join me on Ahch-to. If you still want to join me by then. We can discuss how to move forward from there if you still want me. _ Ben thought to Rey, now unable to speak.  _ And the Lanai caretakers can nurse me to health, they know nothing of the war or me, I never found Skywalker, I never came to Ahch-to, honestly, I don’t even know where to find it. _

“I’ll see you in 6 months, Ben… If you need anything…”


End file.
